When I was in my teens I was a nervous person, unsure of what my talents were, lacking in confidence. I don’t think that made me unusual but it did make for stressful high school years.
Now in my forties I thought those awkward days were behind me. I somehow envisioned that at this stage all those life experiences I had gone through, like school and finding a career and building a family, would give me more confidence and security in who I am. But I still breakout into heart palpitations when invited to a social event. I don’t take risks or chances in my professional life. I don’t give my opinion in discussions or offer to participate in round tables or presentations. I mean, who am I to share my knowledge and expertise or rather, what knowledge and expertise can I share that hasn’t already been covered.
Why am I scared?
What sort of example am I sending to my kids when I won’t take the chances I’m encouraging them to take?
But some recent reading has me doing a little thinking, specially Erica‘s recent Yummy Mummy Club post A Weekend for Self Esteem with a Twist and Michelle‘s Mom Esteem journey on EverythingMom. These two woman are amazing. I have had the privilege of meeting and working with both of them. They are the two strongest, influential, outgoing and supportive woman I know and are great role models for women like me. So I was amazed to read their posts, admitting to everyone that they too have inner fears and self-doubt.
A revelation: I’m not the only one with doubts and insecurities. Actually that’s not really a revelation; I sort of guessed I’m not the only one feeling this way. What really stuck with me reading these posts is that even those people who you think have it all under control and figured out, those people sometimes feel the same insecurities I feel. Maybe not around the same issues but they feel them none the less. Perhaps I’m going about this doubt issue the wrong way. I will never be the outgoing, extrovert that I would like to be, but that doesn’t mean I have to beat myself up over it. It’s okay to have these doubts and fears, everyone does. The trick is not letting them take over your life, limit your experiences and potential. Admit to your fear and deal with it, work around it, face it.
These insecurities, these doubts, like it or not, are apart of my character; they make me who I am. I need to stop wanting to change that. Instead I need to accept that’s apart of me, accept that there are things I won’t be comfortable doing but at the same time try things that I’m uncomfortable doing. Sometimes this discomfort and insecurity is simply based on the unknown and if I don’t try then these areas will always be unknown, they will always be uncomfortable. As I have discovered from reading Erica and Michelle, taking risks is scary as hell but usually the end result is rewarding.
So I won’t be the belle of the ball but at least when I’m in a room with other women I can be sure I’m not the only one with heart palpitations.