Saying Sorry can Mean Much More

I’m finding as my kids get older and more independent, their own will is coming through loud and strong. In most cases this is a good thing. As a parent you hope you’re raising your kids to be determined and stand up for what they believe. But I don’t appreciate it when it comes out as defiance, not doing chores or talking back.

It’s kind of funny, when I was working as a multimedia Project Manager I had to deal with many different personalities and get them to work towards completing a project on time and within budget. Why do I find it easier to deal with adult conflict in a calm and controlled manner? Why do my kids bring out my agitated, impatient side?

I am making an effort to try and remain calm when dealing with my kid’s defiant stage. I know they’re growing and still sorting out boundaries and responses. But yelling at my seven year old daughter that her behaviour was inappropriate was, well, inappropriate. It ended with her slamming her bedroom door and me slamming the bathroom door. But I knew standing there that I had made a big error. I’m the adult and the parent. How can I expect my children to behave properly, resolve a disagreement calmly, when I can’t seem to do it myself. I knew what I had to do.

I went and apologized for my behaviour. I explained that I wasn’t happy with something she did and it’s okay to feel that way, but the way I expressed my displeasure wasn’t right. It was hard to do. As a parent we’re suppose to always be right, not make mistakes, at least no in front of our kids. But I was wrong and an apology was in order. I hope next time I’ll remember to keep my cool and set a better example for my kids. I hope my kids have learned that even moms loose their cool. That happens, to everyone. But when it does you need to apologize and make things right.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Oh my, I could have written that post myself! I find that I am constantly seeing behaviour in my kids that I don’t like but I know where it is coming from. Its hard to be a parent these days and we are only human after all. It is normal to get upset, raise our voice and slam doors without making ourselves feel guilty too much about it. My goal is to be more patient with my kids so that I can lead by example. And I will now start apologizing when I lose my temper and yell instead of just feeling guilty about it!

    Reply

  2. I too often loose my patience with my children, and I yell at them. After they repeatedly (well, especially the almost 4 year old) don’t listen to me, I do tend to get upset, yell… I feel terrible afterwards, and I do say sorry, but still – I wish I was one of those moms who didn’t raise her voice, who dealt with all issues calmly! If they see me yell, no wonder they yell sometimes too, you know? It’s tough!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Jill on July 2, 2009 at 6:41 pm

    I know exactly how you felt. I have lost my cool and raised my voice more times than I care to recall. The guilt usually hits me hardest right after I tuck them in at night. They seem so sweet at that time of day….. Working on the temper thing.

    Reply

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